These Memories Are Haunting Me
by Tillyalf427
Summary: After Heavenly Host, Satoshi can't seem to get rid of the memories and thoughts of the damned school, and it had slowly gotten worse until he can't handle it anymore... This story mentions a panic attack, please beware and don't read if this may trigger you!


**A/n: This is kinda shitty but I mean...Satoshiki...yay?**

**I am working on a longer Satoshiki fic but it will probably take a while (but it should also be better quality than this hehehehe)**  
**I hope to start working on it more as soon as possible but I am approaching exams so I can't promise anything.**  
**Anywaysss Enjoy this mess of a fic**

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How long had it been now? A week? two? A month maybe? He honestly could not remember. Time had become a blur to him as he blindly followed the same routine he always had, trying to replicate any form of normality after returning from that godforsaken school.

His brown eyes fluttered closed, a sigh escaping his lips as he drifted away from the lesson he was currently sat in, the teacher's voice becoming further and further away until only the vague murmur of voices filled his consciousness.

Only a month ago, he would've kicked himself for acting like this. Would have desperately tried to focus his mind back on the lesson that was going on around him however, none of it seemed to matter anymore. It hadn't since they returned from Heavenly Host.

Just the thought of the cursed school sent shivers down his spine and he immediately regretted his train of thought, feeling his heart rate increase. It always became impossible to take control of his thoughts again once he started on this path, instead, they only spiralled until he was reliving every moment from that unfortunate night.

_His feet pounded on the creaky wooden floorboards, his breathing heavy and his heart rate pounding as he desperately rounded corner after corner trying to escape from the trio of ghost children he had accidentally run into. His hands shook as he leaned with his back against the wall, trying to catch his breath whilst he listened out for footsteps or any other indication that he was still being followed._

_His heart ached as he thought of his younger sister who had gotten lost earlier on in the second wing od the school, wondering where on earth she may be, if she was even still alive, and hos friends...where on earth could they be...Had they all met the same fate as Seiko...?_

_After a few more moments to catch his breath, he pushed himself off the wall, checking around him to ensure nothing was around him before setting off once more, wandering aimlessly once more._

_He managed to reach the staircase before he heard footsteps behind him once more,his whole body tensing up before his fight or flight response kicked in and he set off running, almost tripping down the stairs in his hurry. A quick glance over his shoulder told him there was nothing following him, however, as he turned back, he spotted one of the ghost children stood in front of him, her empty eye socket staring back at him as he stopped dead, his heart lurching in terror._

_"Gihh..ve...i...t...bahh...ck.." The child spoke quietly, reaching out towards him. He took a step back, almost frozen where he stood before she repeated what she said louder, taking a small step forwards._

_In an instant, he found himself stumbling back as she launched herself at him, hands clawing desperately at his eyes and mouth as he struggled underneath her. The ghost's fingers managed to dig into his eye slightly and he barely recognised his own voice screaming in pain as fingers dug their way into his eye socket, his eye beginning to ooze blood as it was gouged out of its socket._

_The pain became too much and he could feel his head pulsing in agony as one last blood-curdling scream escaped him..._

The brunet snapped out of his thoughts, his breathing heavy and uneven and his head feeling fuzzy as he tried to concentrate on what was now being said. Their teacher was saying something and although he could see their mouth moving, none of the words were audible to him. Glancing down showed him that his hands were shaking madly and he could vaguely feel how cold they were as it clicked in his mind what was happening.

_Not again...please no..._

The panic attacks had started not long after they escaped Heavenly Host whether it was due to a nightmare, an uncalled-for thought of the cursed school or even simply just someone who happened to use the wrong words which set him off once more.

They were never fun. And as of yet, he hadn't found any effective ways to stop them. So he suffered through. Barely able to register what he was doing, he raised his hand, asking to leave when the teacher called out his name and being given somewhat hesitant permission.

Standing up made him aware of how shaky his legs were, however, he forced himself to move, slipping out of the room and letting the door close behind him, forcing himself to walk partway down the corridor before his legs collapsed beneath him.

Gasping for breath, he found himself clenching his fists, his nails digging into his skin only, he didn't register it, the only thought of his mind being to find some way to breathe properly. Even as he tried to take a deep breath, he found himself choking, his hands reaching up to claw at his neck desperately, feeling the hands of one of the ghost children wrapping around his windpipe as he gasped hopelessly.

swallowing thickly, he also realised how dry his throat was, choking slightly on his own saliva before continuing to gasp for breath, desperate for the feeling of drowning to end.

He was snapped out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder, flinching away harshly and swinging an arm towards whoever touched him.

"Woah, Satoshi! It's me," Yoshiki grabbed the brunet's arm before it hit him, hoping to snap Satoshi out of his panicked state, however, it only seemed to get worse as he spun round to face him before ripping his arm away, brown eyes wide with fear.

It was only when Satoshi was facing him that the dizziness hit him like a wave, finding himself collapsing towards the blond who caught him, gently lowering him to the floor once more.

This time, Satoshi didn't flinch away, falling into Yoshiki's chest with a sob, his whole body shaking from sheer terror.

"Shhh...It's okay...You're safe..." Yoshiki tried to reassure, subtly shifting so that Satoshi's arm wrapped around his shoulder. "Come here, we'll go somewhere quieter,"

Satoshi said nothing, his breath still coming rapidly as he struggled to his feet, leaning his weight against Yoshiki'ssie, letting the blond-haired male lead him towards the stairs leading to the roof.

It didn't take long for them to reach the roof and the cold breeze seemed to help calm the brunet down somewhat, however, he was still shaking badly and so, Yoshiki once again moved so that Satoshi could sit down, crouching in front of him and speaking quietly to the brunet.

"Satoshi, you need to try and breathe deeply okay? I'm going to count 3 times, I want you to breathe in, then hold, then breathe out, can you do that?"

The brunet nodded vaguely, reaching out for Yoshiki's hand with his own cold, shaky one before following Yoshiki's lead as the blond-haired male began counting. It was hard and his breathing was still shaky but it seemed to help somewhat and he found himself being able to think clearer the longer he followed Yoshiki's guidance. Exhaustion began to weigh down on him as the anxiety began flooding out of his system, leaving nothing behind but a distinct empty, shaky feeling. He leaned forward to rest his head on Yoshiki's shoulder, letting out one last shaky breath as he raised his arms to wrap around him and Yoshiki moved to lean against the wall around the roof, pulling Satoshi into his lap.

"Sorry," the brunet mumbled quietly, his face buried in Yoshiki's neck, receiving a sad chuckle in response.

"You have nothing to apologise for. I understand...how do you think I knew how to calm you down?"

"You also...deal with...this? You've never mentioned it..." Satoshi spoke just as a cold breeze caused a shiver to run down his spine.

Yoshiki moved to pull his jacket off, wrapping it around Satoshi who tried to protest, however, Yoshiki cut him off with a small smile.

"I'll be fine. And you also didn't mention this. I guess we're both as bad as each other,"

"Yeah...Sorry, I just...thought it was me being stupid,"

A moment of silence passed before the blond-haired male continued

"I get that, in future though, please talk to me about these things, and I'll do the same, okay?"

Satoshi nodded, however, along yawn cut him off, earning him a grin from Yoshiki

"You're tired?" another nod was given before he continued "Come on, skip lesson with me. We can go back to mine and you can sleep for a bit?" Yoshiki suggested, gaining a nod in response, much to his surprise.

"I'd like that," Satoshi spoke again, letting Yoshiki pull him to his feet, happy to realise that his legs didn't feel anywhere near as weak after sitting down for a while.

The knowledge that Yoshiki had also dealt with these things was reassuring and he found himself managing to relax slightly, swinging his hand which was intertwined with Yoshiki's as they walked. Only one thought crossed hismind as they walked through the chilly afternoon air

_Thank you, Yoshiki_


End file.
